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The Final Goodbye.

24 Apr

Well, here we are again a thousand miles apart.
Searching for answers & looking for a new place to start-
Didn’t you know that the clock is ticking? I’m moving on.
Don’t even bother looking for me once I’m gone-
Even IF you find me, I will never be the person I was when I was with you.
Cause without you my heart broke into pieces; you left me with no one to turn to-
Where are you when I’m lonely? When my emotions are undone?
If this was a war, it’s safe to say you won-
Where are you when I’m laughing? Or when my tears start to hit the floor?
Not where I need you to be; cause you’re not knocking at my door-
Yes, it works both ways, but you don’t need me like I need you.
Because you’re stronger then I am, it shows in everything you do-
Yet you aren’t strong enough to let go of your pride.
So I guess I’ll have to get used to seeing someone else standing by your side-
I was so easily replaced; it’s like you didn’t even have to try.
So I guess everything that we once were has come down to this final goodbye-

AN OUTSIDER.

24 Apr

The pounding of my head wasn’t helping me think straight. I felt as if I’d been lead into a trap. Only everyone knew it was a trap, except for me. But no one bothered to stop me or warn me. They just watched as I walked into what soon would be the death of me. Maybe not physically. But emotionally. Emotionally I am dead. I suddenly became aware of who I am. I am an outsider. The only people who even dare to treat me with kindness are those who wish me the most harm. Trust and Love are words that I no longer know the meaning to. Because I am surrounded by lies and hate. I always knew the world was a cruel place. But a world where friends turn on friends is beyond cruel. All I know is complete, and utter chaos.

Lost.

23 Apr

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re missing something? I look at my life and I can’t help but feel like there’s this empty space. Lately I feel like I’m searching for something that I’ll never find. Not because what I’m looking for is lost. But because I’m lost. Somewhere in between who I was and who I’m becoming I’ve lost sight of who I am. I’m a million miles away from the people that I care about. And I can’t even blame them for walking away. Because It was me who walked away, I chose to put up walls and burn bridges. Now I find myself secluded from everyone else. I like being on my own. It makes things easy. But it also makes things really hard. I just wonder what could’ve happened if I chose to not walk away.

No friend frenzy.

22 Apr

As a 17 year old girl I think that I should be entitled to a little fun. I want to go to parties or go on dates. Is that so wrong? I’m tired of focusing on school and work all the time. It’s the same old boring stuff everyday. Maybe if I didn’t live in the middle of nowhere I could go and hang out with friends more. Thankyou mom and dad for moving me to a place where no one can find me. The fact that I’m doing online school doesn’t help either. My social activities are at an all time low. I hate it, yet I do nothing about it. I don’t know what to do. After being ditched by the one guy I truly cared about and then left in the dust by my bestfriend that I spent all my time with. I find myself in extreme need to meet new people. Unfortunately for me I live in a small town where there is nothing to do, and no ways to meet new people. I guess I will be stuck in this no friend frenzy until I turn 18 and can get out of here. 

Bad decision?

19 Apr

Well, I finally did it. Whether or not that is a good thing I haven’t decided. I just don’t understand how I could allow myself to be so insecure. To let a man own me. I don’t need men. Or women. Or ANYONE. Who am I kidding?