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No friend frenzy.

22 Apr

As a 17 year old girl I think that I should be entitled to a little fun. I want to go to parties or go on dates. Is that so wrong? I’m tired of focusing on school and work all the time. It’s the same old boring stuff everyday. Maybe if I didn’t live in the middle of nowhere I could go and hang out with friends more. Thankyou mom and dad for moving me to a place where no one can find me. The fact that I’m doing online school doesn’t help either. My social activities are at an all time low. I hate it, yet I do nothing about it. I don’t know what to do. After being ditched by the one guy I truly cared about and then left in the dust by my bestfriend that I spent all my time with. I find myself in extreme need to meet new people. Unfortunately for me I live in a small town where there is nothing to do, and no ways to meet new people. I guess I will be stuck in this no friend frenzy until I turn 18 and can get out of here. 

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No longer friends.

20 Apr

So Marlee asked me for her stuff back. Her clothes and such. I think that is the most immature thing to do. I cannot believe she replaced me. If she told me that for the years we were friends I meant nothing to her I’d probably believe her. During the time we were “Bestfriends” She kissed the guy I liked, Cuddled and held hands with one of my boyfriends, told one of my good guy friends that I’m a slutt, and bad mouthed me to so many other people. I can’t believe I put up with her shit for so long. It still hurts though; knowing that someone that I’d take a bullet for couldn’t care less about me. People are so fake. I’m tired of being used and letting people walk all over me. Why is being nice so hard? Why can’t people just be nice back when you’re nice instead of taking advantage of you? The human race is so selfish.

A dance?

19 Apr

He asked me for a dance. He was serious. He said he was gonna drive over in the middle of the night just to dance with me. Romantic right? Then again not so much. How do you look at a guy that is so sweet and puts you on this pedestal like you’re a queen and tel him you don’t feel the same? You don’t. I told him I’m not feeling well, which isn’t a lie. I’ve been feeling horrible all day. I think I’m depressed. Not like I want to die, more like the fact that I make stupid choices makes me wish someone would kill me.

Bad decision?

19 Apr

Well, I finally did it. Whether or not that is a good thing I haven’t decided. I just don’t understand how I could allow myself to be so insecure. To let a man own me. I don’t need men. Or women. Or ANYONE. Who am I kidding?