Lost.

23 Apr

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re missing something? I look at my life and I can’t help but feel like there’s this empty space. Lately I feel like I’m searching for something that I’ll never find. Not because what I’m looking for is lost. But because I’m lost. Somewhere in between who I was and who I’m becoming I’ve lost sight of who I am. I’m a million miles away from the people that I care about. And I can’t even blame them for walking away. Because It was me who walked away, I chose to put up walls and burn bridges. Now I find myself secluded from everyone else. I like being on my own. It makes things easy. But it also makes things really hard. I just wonder what could’ve happened if I chose to not walk away.

No friend frenzy.

22 Apr

As a 17 year old girl I think that I should be entitled to a little fun. I want to go to parties or go on dates. Is that so wrong? I’m tired of focusing on school and work all the time. It’s the same old boring stuff everyday. Maybe if I didn’t live in the middle of nowhere I could go and hang out with friends more. Thankyou mom and dad for moving me to a place where no one can find me. The fact that I’m doing online school doesn’t help either. My social activities are at an all time low. I hate it, yet I do nothing about it. I don’t know what to do. After being ditched by the one guy I truly cared about and then left in the dust by my bestfriend that I spent all my time with. I find myself in extreme need to meet new people. Unfortunately for me I live in a small town where there is nothing to do, and no ways to meet new people. I guess I will be stuck in this no friend frenzy until I turn 18 and can get out of here. 

Ignorance is bliss.

21 Apr

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be in love,

to experience the fairy-tales I used to dream of.

But now that I’m older my dreams are haunted,

all I see is hurt, and people who feel unwanted.

I would give anything just to be a little girl again,

then I wouldn’t know that all the good stories in life are just pretend.

Quote

Where I stood.

21 Apr

I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. & I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you. All I know is that I should. Cause she will love you more then I could, she who dares to stand where I stood.

A Simple Poem<3

20 Apr

A simple poem, I write for you,
just to let you know what’s true.
You’re beautiful, so don’t let others bring you down.
Cause a smile is much prettier then a frown.

No longer friends.

20 Apr

So Marlee asked me for her stuff back. Her clothes and such. I think that is the most immature thing to do. I cannot believe she replaced me. If she told me that for the years we were friends I meant nothing to her I’d probably believe her. During the time we were “Bestfriends” She kissed the guy I liked, Cuddled and held hands with one of my boyfriends, told one of my good guy friends that I’m a slutt, and bad mouthed me to so many other people. I can’t believe I put up with her shit for so long. It still hurts though; knowing that someone that I’d take a bullet for couldn’t care less about me. People are so fake. I’m tired of being used and letting people walk all over me. Why is being nice so hard? Why can’t people just be nice back when you’re nice instead of taking advantage of you? The human race is so selfish.

A dance?

19 Apr

He asked me for a dance. He was serious. He said he was gonna drive over in the middle of the night just to dance with me. Romantic right? Then again not so much. How do you look at a guy that is so sweet and puts you on this pedestal like you’re a queen and tel him you don’t feel the same? You don’t. I told him I’m not feeling well, which isn’t a lie. I’ve been feeling horrible all day. I think I’m depressed. Not like I want to die, more like the fact that I make stupid choices makes me wish someone would kill me.